Love People, Trust God

There is a lot hanging on this statement.

I am just now beginning to understand the meaning behind this. The more I know and understand, the more peaceful my day to day life becomes. I hold this to be extremely true now that I have begun to understand that Loving People and Trusting God is really an asset to my sobriety.

First. Before I found a higher power of my understanding (whom I choose to call God) I put a lot of human qualities on God...Disappointment, Abandonment, Judgment...just to name a few. How could I trust the God that turned against me; made me this awful mess of an alcoholic...

Second. When I first got sober I didn't even know what love was. I associated love with sex only. I didn't understand how to LOVE a person without sex (and there where many many people that I did not wish to have sex with.) PLUS, those people that I shared sex with, just broke my heart. Love was stupid and sick as far as my mind thought.

So, here is what sobriety has taught me.

I had it all backwards.

People DO and WILL disappoint us. People will hurt us and make us cry and our heart will ache for them. Why? because were human, NOT God. We make mistakes and say the wrong things and we judge. We are just flesh and bone running around with self will in a world full of war and labels and insecurities. We are all under pressure to live up to unreachable standards (especially if you have an alcoholic mind!). But we are also gentle and kind and beautifully unique in so many ways. We are hard but when we let down our guards, we are soft, and calm and quiet. I believe at the base of every human soul lies the unstoppable urge to be loved by anyone! To feel important and beautiful for who we are...That's why today, in sobriety I choose to see past our outer shells and LOVE people - sometimes we can't help the way we are, but I truly believe each one of us deserves somebody who loves them.

God NEVER turns His back on us. OOOOOOh this is a very tricky concept for those who are just finding their "higher Power". Well, here is my testimony, and if you stay sober, you will know exactly what I mean. If you don't believe it yet, just stick around until that miracle happens (we have all herd that saying in AA rooms). I know without a doubt that I had God all wrong. He never turned His back on me, he was just waiting for me to tap into faith (what kind of credibility does an all powerful God have that reacts to your every demand without wanting anything in return? That sounds more like human characteristics to me). So I asked God to be with me and I meant it and he gave me this new life. I have been sober almost a year and trust me, its an act of God. All I had to do was trust God, and now I know everything will be alright. Sounds too good to be true? Don't knock it until you try it. And I mean REALLY REALLY try it. None of that half-ass shit that us alcoholics like to pull. NO whining. Give it your all like its the last shot at a good existence you will ever have....and you can have it all.

So yes, LOVE people and TRUST God.
When I apply this, my heart stays just where it feels the best.
And that empty void? Gone.




I watched a movie (Ive herd the book is better!)that really spoke to me, and could have been quite possible the turn around I needed to look at God in a different light.
*Go rent "Conversations With God" or read the book. It was a breaking point for me against old thought patterns, it could very well help you too.

Looking At Others With Love

When facing opposition, how do we look at others as God would have us?

I have learned a great deal from the AA program and the 12 steps. I see your faults because I have them as well. I know why you act the way you act, because I acted the same. I know what the pain feels like, for I have felt it again and again. I can never forget these facts as a recovering alcoholic and addict. I am not better than my peers. I am not better than the practicing alcoholic. I am not better than the practicing user. I feel their pain, I know the struggle. I know what its like to be literally disgusted with others because they have what I want but don't think I can have. I know you because you are me.

One of the many beauty's of the human race is our differences. Our skin color, our senses of humor, our taste in food, our hopes and dreams.

The beauty of recovery is that our disease's are exactly the same. All of us have taken different paths in life to come to the same spot. Weather or not you have reached the spot to ask for help and recover or you are still on a path there are people in recovery who understand exactly what you are going through.

In recovery we say "principles before personality", and it may be one of the toughest ideas to put into action, in my opinion. People will so often act one way and feel another (for multitudes of reasons). If I am nervous in a group, I might act out to cool. If I am insecure I might project that unto others by putting them down. If I am sad, I may drink. None of these reasons are reasons for me to hate. If I hate you, I hate me.

I have a new purpose in life since God has given me the Grace to start anew. My purpose is one of Love and understanding. May I always realize my own faults, rather than others. May I have the courage to have an open mind and unlimited Love for others. May I understand that a wounded soul, only wants to feel Love. May I be strong enough to provide that Love when I am presented with a situation to act. May I look past others personality's, for the principal is helping others as others have helped me.

I am blessed to be sober today.

I Know The Heart Of Life Is Good.

My complications with God, inside my head are fading away. Yesterday, New Years Eve morning, I spent nearly five hours investigating certain parts of the Bible. I am not a follower as of now, but in sobriety I am beginning to understand how so much of my fear comes from the unknown. I fear things I don't understand or that I have not educated myself on yet.
I believe in Good and Love and God, and if that's all for now, that's good enough.
God Loves me, He gave me this new life.
(if your interested in reading my research: www.myspace.com/playdressup)

So Good Morning! Its 2009!
I made it though my first sober New Years.
It was so neat to "party hop" without being afraid to get pulled over and arrested.
This is the first New Years Day I woke up without a hangover (yeah that JUST hit me). Pure True uninhibited sobriety is the cake of my life, today and hopefully tomorrow.

Last night, I went to a "regular" party. For those of you who are in recovery, you know what that means...there was ALCOHOL there. You know whats so cool, brothers and sisters, I did not think twice about picking up a drink. Its so beautiful, the grace that brought me here. To be sober, have a good time and not think about drinking alcohol. Its neat to be at a party and get to know the other people who are at the party, and also recognize that they don't drink like I used to. Its also very cool to be consistently reminded that I am an alcoholic, because once I found out and did something about it I started living the life I have always wanted. And surprisingly, it doesn't have a thing to do with money or things.

A very very happy 2009
I hope its as special to you as it is to me.
I am sending my love......